It's Not Fair
by ChelzToddBrooke
Summary: Ianto is struggling with Jack's immortality, but not because he can't die. Because he can, and does, repeatedly.


**A/N: I don't really know where this came from, but I knew it had to get out of me. I was sitting at a music festival last week and pulled out my phone to get the dialogue down because it just wouldn't leave me alone. It's my first Torchwood fic, but I hope it's ok.**

**I own nothing.**

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That first intake of breath always burned through his lungs. He screwed his eyes shut until the pain subsided, then slowly blinked them open. Three fuzzy shapes were looming over him. That meant someone was missing. He struggled to sit up.

"Easy Jack," that was Gwen. He waved her off and looked around to see Owen and Tosh, concerned etched into their faces. Where was Ianto? Ianto had been there when he died, he was sure of it. The last thing her remembered seeing was the young man's scared face.

"Where's Ianto?" he asked aloud, his voice cracking in protest.

"He disappeared shortly after you…um…" Tosh answered still not entirely comfortable with her boss's ability to survive death. Jack felt his chest tighten. _Where was Ianto? _

"Did anyone see where he went? Is he ok?" Jack wondered, getting to his feet.

"He just took off running," Owen shrugged.

"That way," Gwen added, pointing towards the far end of the alley.

"I am sure I could track him," Tosh offered. Jack shook his head.

"I'll find him. You guys got this?" he checked, not quite remembering what they had been doing before he died.

"Got it, boss," Owen nodded.

As Jack exited the alley, he fished his phone out of his greatcoat and dialed a familiar number. It rang three times before going to an automated voicemail. He cussed under his breath and slid the device back into his pocket. He looked around the street, orienting himself. Ianto's flat wasn't far, maybe he'd gone home. Jack took off down the block at a jog sincerely hoping he would soon find his lover.

Jack stopped short at the door to Ianto's flat, where he was met by a set of bloody handprints. One was smudged into to white wood of the door and the other was wrapped around the door knob. This told Jack he had been right, Ianto had gone home, but it also told him something that made his stomach turn, Ianto was bleeding. He fumbled for the spare key he had and quickly let himself in.

"Yan?" he called as he stepped into the dark foyer. His hand instinctively went to the gun on his hip. "Ianto?" he tried again. He listened hard, picking up the sounds of movement in the bedroom. A second later, a lamp was flicked on, soft light seeping into the hall and providing Jack with a silhouette of the man he was looking for.

Ianto had heard Jack's key in the lock, but refused to answer when the captain called his name. Between his labored breath from running and the overwhelming urge to cry, he didn't trust his voice. So instead he turned on a light, despite the fact that he was not in the mood to face one Captain Jack Harkness. To be honest, he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed that he ran off and he was embarrassed by the way he felt. He knew better. He stared down the hallway at the captain. His greatcoat hung open and Ianto could see the large patch of blood saturating his pale blue shirt. There was a crudely made hole near his heart exposing the spot of a now miraculously healed injury. Ianto finally forced himself to meet Jack's eyes. The concern he found there made him want to turn off the light and stay hidden.

Jack made slow strides toward the master bedroom. With each step he could see his young lover better in the dim light. There was a gash over his left eye and a bruise across his jaw, but that was all Jack could see off hand. There seemed to be too much blood on his clothing for those to be his only injuries.

"Yan, you're hurt. You're covered in blood," he spoke softly, trying to keep is voice even. Ianto looked down at his ruined suit and swallowed thickly.

"Most of it's yours," he replied. Jack mirrored Ianto's action from just moments earlier.

"Oh. Right," Jack realized sheepishly as noticed the blood on his own clothes. He brought a hand up to cradle Ianto's cheek. "Well, you scared me running off like that. I thought something happened to you."

"Now you know how I feel!" Ianto exclaimed, grabbing Jack's wrist and pushing his arm away. Jack took a step back. He could almost see the disturbance in the air from Ianto's outburst. Ianto _never_ raised his voice. Jack nodded and moved back towards Ianto, setting a hand on his shoulder.

"Ok, it's ok. Let's get you cleaned up," Jack insisted, leading Ianto towards the bathroom. He knew he and Ianto needed to have a talk, but he also knew Ianto had to come around to it in his own time.

Ianto leaned against the sink as Jack cleaned the cut on his forehead. He winced and tried to pull away as the antiseptic stung his skin.

"Quit," Jack scolded, gently blowing on the cut as an attempt to ease his lover's pain. Ianto scowled. Jack wiped down his face and then his hands and moved to take his suit jacket.

"Jack, don't." Ianto snapped. Jack pulled his hands back.

"I am just trying to get you out of these bloody clothes. Nothing funny, I swear. In fact, I do you, you do me," he offered. Ianto looked up at his lover. He was telling the truth. Ianto nodded. Jack slipped the suit jacket of Ianto's shoulders and then Ianto took Jack's greatcoat in return.

"I find I don't like it when you die," Ianto admitted as he slowly worked the buttons on Jack's shirt.

"That make's two of us. It's painful," Jack agreed with a grimace. Ianto shot him a look. That obviously wasn't what he meant. He quickly finished with the buttons and leaned back against the sink. He stared absently at the doorway to Jack's left. He crossed his arms across his chest, now shirtless and shivering.

"I…just don't think it's fair to have to watch your lover die. Even once. And I have to watch you die over and over. Sometimes two or three times a day. Or an hour. And you just take it for granted knowing you're going to survive. But what happens if one time you don't? What am I supposed to do then?" Jack stilled, his soiled white t-shirt caught halfway between on and off. Ianto's words sent a rush of guilt through his veins. He pulled the shirt all the way off and stepped towards Ianto, taking his face in his hands.

"Shh, it's ok," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Ianto's forehead. "I don't take it for granted. Well, not really. I mean if someone has to die, I would rather it be me. So if I have to step in front of a bullet to save one of my team, I will. But I'd like to think I would do that, immortal or not. Especially if it's you," he replied, his tone full of conviction; his pale blue eyes telling Ianto that he meant every word.

"Jack, don't…"Ianto looked away as tears rolled down his cheeks. Jack captured them with his thumbs, wiping them away. Ianto screwed his eyes shut, trying to force himself to stop crying. He was being silly. Jack was immortal and that was that. Why was he even wasting the time worrying?

Jack gathered Ianto into his arms, enveloping him in the warmth of his body. He kissed his temple.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm right here. I'm ok," he spoke against his skin.

Ianto tried to push out of Jack's arms, once again embarrassed by being upset by something so trivial.

"No Jack, I'm being stupid. This is stupid," he protested.

"Yan, you're not. It's not," Jack returned, tightening his hold.

"Jack, you are immortal. You can't die. Not now, not ever. I am stupid to let it upset me," Ianto replied, still fighting. Jack released him, allowing him to take off into the next room. Jack moved to the doorway. He stared at his lover's back. The young man's whole stature was screaming out to be held, to be reassured. Jack fought the urge to go to him and do just that. However, it was obvious Ianto was struggling with something. Jack wasn't sure if he was struggling within himself or if he felt vulnerable for voicing his concerns. He thought carefully, trying to piece together the best sentence to solve both possibilities.

"Ianto, you need to listen to me," he pleaded. Ianto didn't move. "I may be immortal, but every time I die, I _do_ die. And as I mentioned earlier, each time it causes me a great deal of pain. Unfortunately there are times you have to witness that pain and you're right, that's no more fair than me having to die repeatedly only to continue living forever. And Yan, you are not the type of person who watches someone die and brushes it off; if you were I would have never let you be a part of Torchwood Three. You care, Ianto. So _damn_ much," Jack made his way across the room and slid his hands around Ianto's waist, pressing his body fully against the young man's back. "And don't you _ever_ stop caring. _Ever_. That's what makes you wonderful," he whispered, his breath ghosting over Ianto's ear and across his cheek. Ianto turned in his arms and met his eyes again. "That's why I love you, Yan," Jack smiled. Ianto managed a watery smile. "It'll be ok," Jack assured him, not really sure what "it" was, but felt it needed saying anyway.

Jack scooped Ianto towards him. Ianto threaded his hand through Jack's hair as he bit his bottom lip and pulled away slowly. Jack's blue eyes blinked open, and a sexy smile crawled across his face as he captured Ianto's lips again. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip asking for access. Ianto readily granted it as he released a low moan and twisted his fingers tighter into his hair. Jack's breath hitched as he felt the pull. He bit into Ianto's lip eliciting the same response. He soothed the bite with his tongue and stole another soul searching kiss. And in the moment, Ianto knew Jack was right. It would be ok.


End file.
